![]() Not more than 10 percent of households earn more than $26,000 a year. Most of the city’s 18.4 million people live in cramped conditions, often hours away from work. and India, exclusively catering to rich clientele as the cameras emphasize the show’s elitist vibe by literally overlooking the real Mumbai to focus on its high-rises. She flies back and forth between the U.S. The Netflix reality show follows Sima Taparia, a matchmaker from Mumbai whose pen-and-paper spreadsheets of potential suitors is far from the most outdated thing about her. Even its harshest critics can’t get away from arranged marriage.īut watch Indian Matchmaking, and you may end the eight-episode arc of the smartly edited, highly bingeable show with a misleading idea of how arranged marriages actually work. Yet here she was, sharing a stranger’s marriage proposal for me to consider. She ran away from home to marry my father against her family’s wishes, and passed on a rebellious, non-conforming streak to me. My mom’s the most progressive Indian woman I know of her generation. ![]() That’s how pervasive arranged marriages are in Indian culture. “For whom?” I asked, equal parts confused and horrified. The woman had offered my mom a man’s biodata (a combination of a dating profile and resume). I knew she agreed.īut as I stopped to catch my breath, thinking I’d made my case, she told me about a recent work phone call with a loose acquaintance. On that Thursday evening phone call, I’d ranted about how the Netflix reality show is unable to hide the misogyny, colorism, and casteism it claims modern matchmaking has moved beyond. ![]() Indian wedding photo by Krishna Studio.I was on the phone with my mother, who lives in Pune, India, complaining about Indian Matchmaking, when she brought up the marriage proposal. Would love to hear in the comments below. What are your thoughts on arranged marriage? Curiosity, excitement, feeling supported and accepted by someone who feels SO DAMN LUCKY to have met you. The next step is often a “trial run” before opting for marriage. This could be moving closer to each other, living together, or signing a co-living agreement (one level below a marriage contract). If and when both sides feel it’s the right moment, going for the next step. Get to know a like-minded person via conversation, spending time together (online and offline), sharing new experiences (like food and travel). New Way: Building the foundation for a stable, long-term relationship, one conversation at a time. Being drenched in strange liquids that are called “blessings.” Waking up with a total stranger. Old way: Insane pressure from parents, relatives, and every Aunty within 100km to “get married because it’s time.” Huge, expensive wedding with hundreds of strangers. The old adage: “It’s time to settle down.” You end up getting married (and voluntarily saying yes to a match) simply because you don’t want to “miss the boat” on the marriage timeline. This is one of the most oppressive and common myths about modern matchmaking. New way: Professional, Verified, with a Proven Model. Old way: Parents hire an unverified individual/marriage bureau who works on the McDonald’s model, paying peanuts, receive low-quality profiles. The first common myth about modern matchmaking presumes that most matches are bad matches, and that bad matches are standard fare. ![]() Here are four myths about arranged marriage, and how professional matchmakers like me work with clients: Hiring a professional matchmaker is often compared to using websites like Tinder or, which use artificial intelligence to offer you “matches”, but do not actually propose a potential partner, just like LinkedIn offers a list of jobs, but doesn’t promise a long-term permanent contract with great benefits. In working as a professional Indian matchmaker, I found that there are many common myths about modern-day matchmaking. And several friends/relative have met through algorithm-driven platforms called Tinder,, et al. You can meet through a group event – and the event organiser becomes the matchmaker. My own parents met through their best friends – their matchmakers. Today, two individuals are introduced – by friends, family, or a matchmaker – and together, they decide to opt for marriage, often ( but not always) with the full support of their family and friends. Back in the day, emotional manipulation was used to “force” two teenagers to marry, so the families could cement a business/political agreement Arranged marriages used to be the standard way that couples met and got together for centuries, in Europe as much as in India.
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